Your phone buzzes in your pocket. You take a look and realise from an incoming text you forgot to make an important call. You have let someone down. This is a pattern you wish you could break as you hate letting people down.
Posted - 28th February 2019
Your phone buzzes in your pocket. You take a look and realise from an incoming text you forgot to make an important call. You have let someone down. This is a pattern you wish you could break as you hate letting people down. You flush with embarrassment and anger at yourself and anxiety flares up at how others will judge you. Before you know it, you’re beating yourself up using language you’d never use to others. The voice is poisonous and spiteful, not just the expletives or criticism it deploys, but even the tone of voice can cut you dead. And you know that voice is right. It’s always right. You supress the feelings as quickly as you can so you stop feeling bad, and you get on with the day. Still, the trace of the experience remains. This is not just people who come to me for therapy. This is all of us.
There are so many important things in this story. There is the bad feeling you suppress, and the pattern that needs to be changed, and sandwiched in the middle there is the pernicious voice. Where to start?
Wherever you are, is the only answer.
We spend so much of our time trying to be something else, get somewhere else, achieve something else that we forget just to be here. The process of change is subtle and starts when we can truly accept things the way they are now. As your perception of a situation becomes clearer, less cluttered with judgements or emotions, things start to emerge that we may not have noticed before and change begins.
When you next have one of those moments, try the following four easy steps
All humans face the pain of our imperfection. We are flawed and we don’t like it. Above all we want to avoid our flaws being visible. We try very hard to suppress them and change, yet no-one notices.